New slang and a curse for this town...

I'm back in Los Angeles and my first reaction was, "Damn, these streets sure are clean." The first of a countless stream of sentences that will undoubtably begin with "Actually, in India..." I hate to be that guy, but I can't help it. I can't spend time in one of the most amazing places I've ever seen, experience poverty in ways that I didn't know were possible and met some of the best people this planet has to offer without having something to say about it.

So, maybe I'll use this blog as a place to air those feelings, so if you tire of my comments, you can simply log off and I'll never be the wiser.

The first thing I need to battle is "Traveler's Guilt". It's not my fault that my work decided to take me on the trip, and I shouldn't feel ashamed about it. One of my co-workers who accompanied me on the trip apparently had an awful time and has spread nothing but ill will about it to the folks at work. Which is a wave I could ride if I so choose. It would be quite easy to put on a somber face and tell stories of loose stools, dead kittens, rabid dogs and mosquito bites (all of which are true, of course). I could put on my hairshirt and self flaggelate myself to my own place in martyrdom, but why? I enjoyed myself. Sure, it was hard work. I was up til 6am more nights than I would normally care to, but I had a hell of a time doing it. I feel bad that I was the one chosen for the trip and not one of ten other well deserving people at my work, but that happens. Things go around. Everybody gets a turn. Or atleast I hope so, because I can't wait for the next one.

The differences between America and India could fill a thousand books, so here are just a few of the peculiarities that I saw.

• Chai-- In India, all tea is called Chai. What we call Chai, they call "masala tea" which is made using half water and milk and ginger spices. Mmm, so good.
• The Hose--in fancier bathrooms, they have a hose with a spray nozzle for "washing your bum" as my friend Pooja says.
• The Bucket--in less fancy bathrooms, they use this, although for the life of me I don't know how. The hose I can figure out, but this is a mystery.
• The Mug--A common practice is to bath with warm water in a bucket using a mug to dump water on your head. When I asked Pooja about this she was astonished. It was something she had done from childhood on.
• Driving--One of the first things you'll notice if you visit Bombay is the honking. It's the law. No joke. The way it works is that right of way goes to whoever is in front. If you want to pass, you honk. That's why you'll see "Honk OK" painted on the back of Goods Carrier trucks. Lanes are used more as a guideline than a rule, and traffic lights are often turned off. Drivers will often cruise in the oncoming lane of traffic for uncomfortable amounts of time. That's the way things are. And since everyone knows the rules, everything runs smoothly. Next time you have an Indian cab driver who honks his ass off and cruises in the left hand lane don't judge him, he's just following the rules.
• Sarees, bangles and "the dot"--All of the clothing differences are strange for about four days. After that, they really start to make sense. The saree is one of the most beautiful outfits in the world. It's sexy, and calming, and eveyone looks good in them. As for the forehead dot, or bindi, I believe that it represents the blood of your husband as he goes off to war, but I'm not sure. I do know that red means you're married, and also when you get married, you place a stripe of vermillion vertically along your hairline. I got so used to them that I bought a pack for Andrea thinking that she would wear them.
• Non-veg--vegetarianism is so accepted in India, meat isn't called meat, it's called "non-veg". How Orwellian is that?
• Punjabi music--I've finally found the greatest music in the world. It's called Punjabi and it freaking rules. It's difficult to explain, but imagine a repetitive twangy guitar line beefed up by handplayed tabla drums, and throbbing twostep bass beat and almost raplike lyric delivery. Even stuff from 40 years ago rocks harder than most house music produced today.

lastly, I want to comment on the financial differences, but I don't think I'm qualified to say anything. I have no clue how economies work, but I know one thing, something is definately out of whack. Some people I spoke to on the TV production staff made around 250 bucks a month. I'm not talking menial labor, these are college educated, people in places of authority. Now, I understand the concept of "cost of living", but you can't tell me everything in India costs 1/10 what it does in America. A beer in India costs two dollars, so do that math. It's not fair, and I can't help but think that American production of goods in India for pennies an hour has something to do with it.

So that's that for now. More to come friends. More to come.